Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
