we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
