so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
