are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
