Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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