Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
