He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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