Screwed.edu
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
