just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
