Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
