U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
