he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
