so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize