There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
