thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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