I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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