bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
