Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
