He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
