i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
