I faked an abortion last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
