so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
