I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
