She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ttyl tear gas
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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