Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
