I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
