I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We talked him into tasing himself.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
