Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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