We won't sleep together?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
