Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My ass is underappreciated
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