This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We need a shit load of segways right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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