Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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