I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
