Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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