Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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