Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
