I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
