I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
there is puke in my bra ... again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
