i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize