It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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