I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
