Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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