i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
