You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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