Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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