I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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