That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
