just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
mondays should just be called national damage control day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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