This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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