Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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