there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
