I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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