Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
