I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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