I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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