i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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