I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
