Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
