I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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