i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
