i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
