I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
