I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
